"Forgive Your Pastor (And Everyone Else)"
I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch—I’m not telling you who it was, he may or may not be here this morning—we had made plans a couple weeks in advance, it was on my calendar, I had thought about it the night before. I get a call at about a quarter to one, “Hey, Frank, are you coming? The lunch was supposed to be at Noon. Oh man! That sinking feeling! I felt so bad. He was cool about it, we rescheduled, he forgave me. I still feel awful about it.
If he wouldn’t have texted me, it might have been days—weeks—before I realized what I had done. There has been so many other times I’ve forgotten to do things I said I would do—said things, or done things that bothered someone, and they didn’t say anything, so I didn’t even know they were upset with me. I mean, sometimes years have gone by and I had no idea they were holding something against me.
You might think, “Well, that’s on them. If they don’t say anything, if you don’t know about it, it’s not your responsibility.” And I don’t completely disagree with you. The thing is, a lot of times, they think I do know. That I’m just being a jerk.
And then one day they’ve had enough. I’ve interrupted them when they were talking one too many times, I ignored too many emails or text messages. Whatever it is, in some way, they felt disrespected by me and let it build up—now it’s too late. They’re going to cut me off.
I’m always shocked. Surprised. Mortified. Embarrassed. I try to explain that it was never my intention to hurt them or put them down in any way. But it’s too late, they don’t believe me. Their mind is made up—It’s over.
Has that ever happened to you? Ever had a friend break up with you?
I’m sorry to say, it’s happened to me several times. I never once saw it coming. From my perspective, it always felt like a complete betrayal. Like, I trusted them, let them in close, and when they really got to know me, found out I have flaws—things they didn’t like—they rejected me.
Now understand, I’m not talking about something I did on purpose to hurt them or cheat them or insult them or anything like that. They were just silently bothered by me, about things that I was unaware of, and then that was it.
So, we’ve been talking about New Year’s Resolutions for 2025. The Freakin’ Resolutions! Resolution one was to read your freakin’ Bible—I would love everyone in our church to commit to reading the whole thing this year using a specific Bible reading plan that has a bunch of really helpful videos to show how every book, every story, points to Jesus and how God is saving the world through Him. It’s called One Story That Leads to Jesus. How many of you are doing it? It’s pretty great. If you’re tracking with me, we just finished Genesis. It’s not too late to start. Imagine what God might do through our little church if we were all listening to what He’s saying to us together!
Speaking of together…
Resolution two was last week’s message: Go to freakin’ church. I talked about what the church actually is, what the word means, and what God expects us followers of Jesus to do. How weekly gathering for worship isn’t optional. How if we don’t make going to church a priority, no one else is going to do it for us. I kind of went for it. Maybe I got a little too excited. On the way out the door last week, one of you said, “Pastor, at some point you stopped preaching and went to meddling.” He said it with a smile but he kinda meant it, too. My brother called me after he heard the message and said, “You sounded like you were mad at your congregation. I agreed with everything you said but if I was in your church and in a bad mood, I probably would’ve told you where to shove that sermon.”
A few of you were like, “That was a good one! I wish so and so would’ve been here to hear it!” You know, the old “That message wasn’t really for me, it was for the person I want to elbow in the ribs—they need to hear it!” Ha.
So, that got me thinking about when people are offended by me but don’t let me know. I wonder how often I say something in a sermon that bugs someone and they don’t tell me. But they remember—they keep score. And if I reach some invisible number of transgressions—they just vote with their butt and stop showing up.
So, I thought a good third resolution might be Forgive Your Freakin’ Pastor.
Not for making really dry jokes during the sermon—I’m quite committed to that. ha. But for all the other ways I might disappoint you, let you let down, bother you, upset you. I promise, I’m not doing it on purpose. But I know it’s going to happen—I’m just a person, same as everyone else in the room. We’re all a little rough around the edges sometimes.
I’m talking about everyday stuff.
The headlines are full of pastors who are just the worst. So many sexual and financial scandals. I’m not talking about any of that. God forbid I ever do anything illegal—if I do, throw the book at me. Seriously, because God will still forgive me but the State of Texas certainly won’t—and that’s good. So I’m not talking about criminal matters…
But for all the other things. Those little annoying things. Like the way I tend to make jokes without cracking a smile. And you didn’t think it was funny. And it was too dark, or too soon. Or any of the various ways I might make you feel disrespected or discarded. For all those kinds of things—I humbly ask that you would let me know you were bothered by something. Even if you think I did it on purpose. I assure you that I didn’t. I didn’t notice. Because if I did, I would have apologized. I try to keep very short accounts. I’m asking that you show me some grace. Give me the benefit of the doubt.
So, to anyone who felt the same way about last week’s sermon as my brother—please forgive me. I’ll try to stomp on someone else’s toes this week. Ha. Unless you don’t forgive me, then I’m going to meddle with you again today. Ha.
Because people who follow Jesus have to be all about forgiveness. It’s kind of the whole point.
To be clear, I’m not just talking about forgiving me. Yes, forgive your pastor, please. But there’s an epidemic of not forgiving each other going around. We lost a few people from our congregation last year because this person, or that person, or some other person—I’m talking about several completely different situations—someone felt disrespected, or offended, or slighted by someone else in the congregation and they got mad and left. Every situation has different sides and all kinds of nuanced details, but the bottom line is this: they got upset with someone in our church so they stopped showing up.
And I don’t get it. Have we not talked about what it means to follow Jesus? That it’s about loving one another? Showing patience, kindness, grace, mercy—forgiveness?
Now don’t start trying to think of people who are not here. That’s not the point. This message is not for them. This message is for us. The people listening to it right now! Here or online—this message is for you. This is how we need to move forward. Apply these words to yourself.
Colossians 3:12-13:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Is that too complicated to understand? Do we need to get the Greek dictionary out and try to figure out what it’s saying? Kind of seems obvious. We’re so bad at this. God has to be like, “Did I stutter?”
You are God’s chosen people, the ones He called out of the world and saved, He made you holy! You used to not be holy, you were a dirty rotten sinner, just like everyone else (me too) and He made you holy, righteous, clean. You are dearly loved by God. He saved you but He saved you for a reason, for a purpose. He wants you to be part of His church (the gathering of His people) and when you show up and rub elbows with all these other dirty, rotten sinners, here’s what He wants you to do: Be compassionate. All these people have stuff going on in their lives, too. So be kind. Don’t be a bully or a brat—be humble. Treat others like you think they’re more important than you are.
Sometimes they’re going to do you wrong. It’s going to happen. Then, maybe there’s something you need to say to them—when you do, be gentle. We’re all pretty fragile, truth be told. The tougher they act, the more fragile they really are. Tough guys who always want to fight like bullies on the playground are the most fragile. I mean, they might have a lot of muscles and they might pound your face into the pavement—but they’re fragile inside. That’s why they get mad so quick. Some of them are getting mad at me right now for talking smack about them. Let me say it again before they ask to meet me behind the church to fight—forgive your freakin’ pastor, okay?
Look at these words—how God wants us to treat each other. He wants us to be patient with each other. If you have a problem with someone, you have to let them know, with kindness, gently—humbly. God says He wants us to bear with each other. What does it mean to bear with each other? It means to put up with each other. You got a problem with someone in your church? God says, “Deal with it, Buttercup.” Put up with it. Your job is to forgive them just like the LORD forgave you.
Just like the LORD forgave you. Hmm.
How did the LORD forgive you? Completely? At great cost to Himself? Sacrificing His rights as the holy and righteous God to forgive you?
He’s very serious about this. In Matthew 6:14-15 Jesus says this,
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
That’s Jesus talking. Right after He taught the Lord’s Prayer. God expects us to need His forgiveness every day, which is why it’s in our daily prayer—and then He says, “But I’m not going to forgive you if you don’t forgive others.”
That’s pretty heavy.
And you might be like, “Fine. I forgive them. But I’m not going to have anything to do with them.”
Hmm. There might be times when someone is so toxic and dangerous that after you forgive them you should keep your distance. I get that. But those are probably criminal cases requiring lawyers and guns.
They are the exceptions.
Ephesians 4:31-32 takes this idea further by saying God expects us to change our attitude toward the person,
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Are you still bitter? Still mad about it? Find yourself thinking about it all the time and talking smack about the person?
Stop it. It’s not good. Look at that last line until it sinks in: Be kind to the person you're mad at. Tenderhearted.
Say this prayer: Lord, soften my heart toward [whoever you're mad at]. Take my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh—toward them. Help me be kind to them—even in my thoughts.
Forgive them as God in Christ forgave you.
The really good news in this seemingly impossible chunk of text is this is how God apparently forgives you! He’s not bitter with you. He’s not mad at you. He doesn’t sit around heaven complaining about you—thinking terrible thoughts about you. Dwelling on everything you’ve done wrong. His heart is tender toward you. He forgives you.
Why? Because Jesus gave His life for you. He already made you and God completely good. He did that part for you—which is the most important part.
But He’s not going to do the rest for you. He’s counting on you to offer His grace to the people who wrong you—hurt you, trespass against you.
This isn’t a theoretical exercise, this is your real world assignment. Give the same grace and forgiveness that Jesus gave you to other people. And here’s the sticky part: You can’t give it to them if they don’t do anything wrong to you!
It’s like Jesus gave you a hundred dollar bill and said, “Here, put this in your pocket, and when someone needs it—give it to them!” Then you’re just walking around looking for someone who lost their wallet, or their debit card doesn’t work, or they’re short on rent—someone who has a problem that a hundred dollars can solve.
What God gives you, He wants you to give to other people.
He gives you undeserved forgiveness for all your punk failures every day. Your job is to walk around ready to give that same undeserved forgiveness to someone else. That’s one of the main ways we share the Gospel with people.
Hebrews 12:15 says,
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
You’re going to have problems with people, that’s part of the gig. Those are perfect opportunities to show them what grace looks like. Give it to them. Don’t let any bitterness grow in your heart—don’t let it infect you and spread to others.
I like to remind myself that holding a grudge, letting myself be bitter toward someone, is like drinking poison hoping to get back at them. It only hurts me. Holding grudges isolates us from each other. It pushes people away—no one wants to be around someone who’s all about a grudge.
This is all so obvious. Christianity 101, right? Why are we so bad at it?
Jesus forgave you—completely and undeservedly. He restored your relationship to God and made you completely good. The cross is the ultimate picture of grace. Jesus took your sins on Himself even while you were His enemy—He did it so you could be reconciled to Him. When you forgive other people, you reflect the heart of the Gospel to them. You share with them the same grace God gave you. You will never embody the love of God and the Gospel in a more powerful way than when you forgive someone who hurt you and start treating them like you love them.
Last year I heard a missionary talk about a mission trip they went on. They went to Rwanda, a part of Africa that had been decimated by a tribal civil war in 1994. It was a genocide—and there were Christians on both sides.
The missionary was over there to help a local pastor rebuild his church. Pretty difficult job since the church had been complicit in the killings. The previous pastor had rang the church bells to gather the people in the village and then soldiers mowed down the congregation with machine guns right there in the church. Horrific. How do you rebuild after that?
There was a woman who had been a little girl when it happened. She watched her mom and dad, brothers and sisters—her entire family—die in this church.
So, years later the local pastor is trying to share the Gospel with people, trying to rebuild that empty church. He meets this lady and miraculously, she hears what he tells her about Jesus and she believes.
One day the pastor tells her there’s someone who wants to meet her. Said he would understand if she refused but he encouraged her to pray about it—consider it.
One of the soldiers who had killed her family—he was only a boy at the time—he was a Christian now and wanted to apologize for what he did.
The lady obviously had a lot of emotions about this but she agreed to meet with him.
So, they meet at the church and when the man walks in, the lady is completely overcome and passes out—it was just too much. A few minutes later, when she came to, the man was sobbing, he was so sorry. He explained how they told him to shoot and he did but he said not a day has gone by that he hasn’t thought about it—said he doesn’t want to even live.
The lady looked at him and said she forgives him. Said Jesus forgives him and so does she.
So, the missionary listened, probably felt kind of like you feel right now, and said, “That’s an amazing story.”
The pastor said, “Do you want to meet them? They’re both part of this church.”
So they met! Now the missionary is sitting in the same room with the lady and the man who had murdered her entire family—they were friends.
The missionary was like, “This is incredible. How? How on earth? How in the world could you forgive like this? How is it possible?”
And the lady looks at the missionary—a little confused—and said, “Oh, so you haven’t met Jesus?”
Ugh! I mean, come on! Right in the heart, right?
“Oh, so you haven’t met Jesus?”
Kim and I heard this story at a conference in a big session before we went to lunch. While we were at lunch we found a room where there were tables and chairs and it was quiet. Then a young black man got up and told his story about how he came to faith and what his ministry is all about. He was also from Rwanda. His family had also been killed by soldiers. Years later one of the soldiers wanted to meet him and apologize… it was the same story. Different people. Different village. Different ministry. Same story. How crazy is that? I guess God knew we’d have a hard time believing that level of forgiveness if we only heard it once.
I still think about that question: “Oh, so you haven’t met Jesus?”
Have you met Jesus? Do we act like we’ve met Jesus? Do we forgive like we’ve met Jesus?
Forgiveness is not a one and done deal. There are people in my life that I have to forgive every time I think about them. Some people say, “Forgive and forget.” Mmm. Not so much. My memory is better than that. But instead of nursing hatred and bitterness toward the person—we have to pray for a soft heart, we have to treat them with kindness—even in our mind. Let it go. Holding onto it is not helping you and it’s not hurting them.
Who have you been thinking about? Who do you need to forgive? Who do you have trouble forgiving? Who do you need to ask God to soften your heart toward? What’s a step you could take toward reconciliation? Even if it’s just praying for the person. Can you send them a note? A text? Can you commit to being polite and kind? So you can at least be in the same church?
Forgiveness is a supernatural act. Ask God to help you let go of anger and replace it with grace. Let go of pride. If you’re having trouble, try praying like this, “LORD, please forgive my tresspasses and help me to forgive those who trespass against me.”
Jesus gave everything to forgive you. Have you met Him?
Forgiveness isn’t just something we do—it’s who we are because of who Christ is—it’s who we are because we are in Him. He forgives us because He knows us, and we forgive because we know Him. AMEN