"Love Over 'Well, Actually': Choosing Relationships Over Being Right."

Why do we feel the need to correct each other? No one likes it. No one is like, “Thank you so much for correcting me! What would I ever do without you?”

All those “well actuallys” are so deflating—take the joy right out of the moment.

Some of you might be feeling a little defensive right now because you know you were the one doing it. You’re like, “But they were wrong. They had details wrong. I was right!” 

Oh, that need to be right! It’s not an attractive feature. I get it, I know the struggle, I’m guilty of exercising the not-so-spiritual gift of rebuking the saints and having to be right all the time, too.

What’s more important, being right, or being in a good relationship? It’s an important question. What’s more important, being right or treating people with love?

And you might be thinking, “both!” Isn’t being “right,” being righteous, the whole point of the Bible? “I love people by pointing out how wrong they are! It’s a public service! My spiritual gift!”

Righteousness! 

You can’t get very far reading the Bible before you come across the idea of righteousness. Being right. Righteous, righteously and other variations of the word are used about a thousand times in Scripture. You can’t avoid it.

But what does it mean? To be righteous? If we say someone is righteous doesn't it mean he’s a good guy? That he’s holier than most? Squeaky clean? Goody two shoes? Sinless? A rule follower! Isn’t that what righteous means?

Not really. That’s not what it means. This is kind of the most important thing about following Jesus and most of us don’t get it. 

Righteousness means to be in a right relationship. With God and with the people in our lives. It’s not about checking boxes or following rules, it’s about connection. Relationship.

This is the most important question we will ever face in life: What can we do to be in a right relationship with God? Hmm? What can we do to be in a right relationship with God?

Nothing. There’s nothing we can do to be in a right relationship with God. Absolutely nothing. This is the basic message of the Gospel, that Jesus did it all for us. We are made right with God by grace (it’s an undeserved gift) through faith (we just trust in Jesus and what He did for us on the cross) He makes us right with God. 

Romans 3:21-24 explains exactly how righteousness works… 

"But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it—the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus."

So, righteousness has nothing to do with how good we are at following the rules, avoiding sin and being good—it’s not by keeping the law—we have all failed miserably at that. Our relationship with God is broken. So how can it be fixed? Through grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. It’s the only way.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says…

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

 It’s by grace, it’s an undeserved gift, through faith, we open the gift by trusting in Jesus, which means no one can brag about how they saved themselves by being good. Outside of Jesus, no one can be good enough, not even close. Romans 3:10… 

"As it is written: 'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.'" 

We all need grace. There’s no other way to have a right relationship with God. Jesus does it for us. But to be truly righteous, we need to have a right relationship with people, too. 

Because for a Christian, being righteous starts with Jesus making our relationship right with God. But then He wants us to look around at the people in our lives.

How do we have a right relationship with them? All those people He puts in our lives?

God doesn’t do that part for us. He tells us how to make it work but we’re the ones who have to do it. That Bible full of wisdom. Everything God has commanded us to do—it boils down to us making things right with other people. 

Like I said, most Christians don’t understand these things. The church and the world would be a very different place if we did.

Today is the first Sunday in Advent, this is the first Sunday in the church calendar—so, happy New Year! It’s like New Year’s Day but without the resolutions or the hangovers. The church calendar is a one year walk through the story of Jesus, from His birth, to His death and resurrection, to the establishing of His church, and then it starts over. Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Good Friday, Easter, Pentecost. We will keep repeating this cycle over and over until the end of time—which is exactly what Advent points to.

Advent is a really cool and mysterious season because it’s actually two events in the life of Jesus overlapping—His first and second coming. Advent means “arrival.” It’s a season all about waiting for Christ to make things right.

Isaiah 9:2-7 perfectly captures the first layer, the longing of the people in the Old Testament and how they looked forward to Jesus coming the first time—this was written 700 years before His birth in Bethlehem… 

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. ... For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

So first, Advent is a time when we remember how long the people of God waited for the Messiah to show up and save His people, all those years of the Old Testament where they watched for God to send the Prophet, Priest, and King who would be Savior and Lord, whose kingdom will have no end, who will make everything right! And everyone was surprised by the details of how it actually happened: God became a baby, lived a human life in relative obscurity, died on a cross, came back from the grave, and ascended to heaven to rule and reign at the right hand of God the Father. 

But He also promised to come again at the end of time to make everything new. Make everything right. New heaven and new earth. No more pain, no more sorrow. No more sin, no more death. This is the second meaning of Advent.

Revelation 21:3-4 is a beautiful glimpse of the hope we have in Christ’s second coming…

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'"

And for two thousand years the followers of Jesus have been waiting for that day. We’re still waiting. Life is still filled with pain and tears. Our loved ones still die. We grieve and mourn but not like the rest of the world that has no hope. We’re sad because we’re going to miss them until we see them again in the next life. The one promised by this verse and many others.

The promise of the second layer of Advent. 

Like the people of the Old Testament who were waiting for the Messiah to show up the first time, we’re also waiting for Christ. Their anticipation ended with the advent of the baby in a manger. Our anticipation will end with the advent of Christ the Lord coming in power and glory at the end of time riding a white horse accompanied by thousands and thousands of angels—putting an end to all the darkness of the world—ushering in a new forever kingdom of peace and true righteousness. 

This is our hope: A right relationship with God and a right relationship with each other. All because of Jesus.

Advent is a meditation on both of those seasons of waiting layered on top of each other—the tension between what Christ has already done and what He’s going to do when He returns. It’s a beautiful picture of Christian hope.

So, Jesus has already made you right with God. An amazing free gift, He’s given you the righteousness of God—a right relationship with Him. You and God are good. Trust in Jesus and you always will be. 

But now what? What are you going to do with the rest of your life? This new life in perfect relationship with God that Jesus has given you.

I guess you could just walk around nitpicking everybody. Pointing out their faults. Sins. Judging them because you see things you don’t like. They look weird. They smell bad. They have three packages of pumpkin spice Oreos in their shopping cart. Like Yelp reviews for sinners: 2 stars—service was rude. Would not recommend.” They say things that sound wrong to you. They do things you know are wrong. Don’t they read the Bible? God says that’s a sin! They’re a sinner! And they don’t even think what they’re doing is wrong! That’s so wrong! Have they no shame?!

And you’re probably right. All those things that unbelievers are doing that look like sins—they probably are sins. I mean, if God’s word says it’s wrong then it’s wrong.

And I’m not making light of it. Sin is always a problem. It’s a big deadly problem. It’s why Jesus had to come and die. All those people who don’t trust Jesus, their sin is going to keep them from being in a right relationship with God—just like yours was before Jesus took care of it for you. If they don’t find out about how trusting in Jesus can give them a right relationship with God, then their life is going to be full of all kinds of hopelessness and darkness—miserable sadness, looking for relief in all kinds of terrible ways. Looking for relief in their sin. Finding their identity in their sin. Trusting in their sin. It sounds crazy when you put it like that, doesn’t it? This is the way of the world. And then they’re going to die—but death isn’t the end. All people are eternal beings. The misery of not having a right relationship with God just goes on and on and on. I mean, we should do something to help them, don’t you think?

As a Christian, you know what the only solution is, right?

2nd Corinthians 5:17-21 says this…

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation... For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

So, how can all those sinners have a right relationship with God? How do they become a new creation? How do they become “in Christ?” 

Can they do it by stopping their sin? Living a sinless life?

Whatever their favorite sins are. The ones they really identify themselves with.

Can they make their relationship with God right if they just quit doing it? Start following the rules?

No. That won’t do it.

They can only be made right with God through Jesus. Just like you. By grace through faith. Christ reconciles them to Himself—and He does that through us—He gave us the ministry of reconciliation. Our job is to have relationships with people, all the people He puts in our life, all those sinners (because you’ve never met a person who wasn’t a sinner) our job is to facilitate them finding out how Jesus wants to fix their relationship with God. Start with that story. That’s the headline. 

Let’s get that message to them first—they already know they’re a sinner, what they don’t know is how Jesus became sin for them. Their sin. He wasn’t nearly as grossed out about it as we are. He got it all over Himself. He became sin. Maybe we should concentrate on the part about what Jesus has done for them. The Gospel. The hope and meaning that makes life make any sense. Instead of just pointing out their sin and pushing them away.

So, how do we do that? How do we bring that message of reconciliation to people?

1st Peter 3:15 gives us a practical answer…

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect."

According to this verse, when are we supposed to make a defense for what we believe? Is it when we notice their sin? Is it when they want to argue about theology? When they accuse us of being hypocrites? Is it when people make us feel defensive and angry? No. Don’t be so quick to get your feelings hurt and break relationships. Be patient. God says we’re supposed to wait and make a defense for our faith when someone asks us about it. We’re supposed to wait for them to ask. And even then, we’re supposed to approach it gently and respectfully. We honor Christ IN OUR HEARTS as holy. That doesn’t sound like beating people over the head with holiness.

Some pagan is living their pagan life, doing pagan things, sinning up a storm—isn’t that exactly what we would expect them to do? It’s not our job to interrupt their story and correct the details—that’s just annoying and will probably push them away from the love and salvation they desperately need. 

Maybe we shouldn’t spend all our time walking around saying, “Well, actually, that’s a sin. And that. And that.”

And I know, I get it, you’re right—it is a sin. Sure. But is it more important to be right or be in a right relationship? We need to be in a good relationship before anyone’s going to be interested in asking us about our hope.

Jesus summed up everything I’m trying to say like this…

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35

Love one another is also in the Bible a lot.

Here’s the heart of Advent: God didn’t look at the brokenness of the world and say, 'Well, actually, you’re all sinners, you're all wrong and I’m right.' Instead, He became one of us. Jesus entered our story—not to nitpick, not to point fingers, but to take the weight of our sin on Himself and make us right with God.

It’s what we’re waiting for as we look toward His return. He came the first time to reconcile us to God through His death and resurrection. And when He comes again, He’ll make every relationship right—our relationships with each other and the broken relationship between creation and Creator. Peace on earth once and for all.

So, what do we do in the meantime? We love one another, as He loved us. We show the world what it looks like to be right with God—not 'right' in the sense of prideful correctness, but 'right' in the sense of reconciliation, peace, and hope. We confess our own sin and trust in Jesus to have mercy on us and forgive us. Then we show people the same grace that we were shown. 

Let people tell their stories. Just listen. Let them get all the details wrong. Show them what grace looks like. It’s far better to humbly be in a right relationship than to pridefully insist on being right. Love is more important than being right. 

Instead of correcting someone mid-story, just bite your tongue and listen—save your comments for the director’s cut. When you’re about to correct someone, ask yourself, “Is this going to make our relationship better? Or is it just going to make them upset? Have they asked for my opinion?” Do what you can to have good relationships with people—which includes all the wisdom of God, all the ways He told us in His word to be self sacrificing, patient, kind, gentle, showing self-control, listening more than speaking, asking questions and being interested in people—all the ways He told us to love one another. Wait for them to ask about what you believe, then tell them what Jesus has done for you. This is what it means to be in a right relationship with the people God has put in your life. Choose the relationship over being right. Love is more important than being right. 

God didn’t wait for you to get it all right before He loved you. He didn’t sit back and point out all your mistakes from a distance. Instead, He entered your messy story, full of wrong details, and made it His own—offering you grace instead of judgment, love instead of condemnation, and a relationship instead of rejection. That’s what Advent is all about: God coming near to make you right with Him. AMEN