Acts 20:17-38 "A Farewell Message"

One of the hardest things about planting a church is when people leave. And I don’t mean “leave during the sermon to go refill their coffee”—I mean gone. Vanished. Poof. Like a magic trick where no one claps at the end.

If you’re a pastor, you know the sting.
You pour into someone’s life—baptize them, marry them, pray with them, help them through some weird crisis involving their dog and a stick of butter—real ministry stuff. Help save their marriage, bury their loved ones. I mean, they’re part of your life, and then they’re just not.

Sometimes they ghost you like a teenager avoiding an ex-crush.
Sometimes they send you a vague email: “We just feel led… somewhere else.”
Led by who? Google Maps?
Other times they sit across from you in a coffee shop and explain why they’re leaving like they’re trying to return a broken air fryer without the receipt.

And even though they say it’s not personal… It always feels personal.
Hits you right in the spleen.

I know this isn’t a “pastors only” pain.
Everybody in this room knows what it feels like to pour into someone and watch them drift away.

You invest in a friend, a coworker, a kid, someone in your small group…
You think, “Yes, Lord! I’m making a difference!”
And three months later they’re gone, doing yoga with crystals or joining a church with a fog machine that costs more than my car.

It’s frustrating.
It’s discouraging.
And it makes you wonder if it’s worth bothering with anyone else.

We’ve been going through the Book of Acts, and chapter 20 steps right into that feeling—right into the awkward, heart-wrenching reality of loving people and doing ministry in this broken world.

And it’s a master class in why this work matters, why it’s worth it, and how to keep on loving people even when they move on. Chapter 20… 

[VERSE 17] “Now from Miletus he sent to Ephesus and called the elders of the church to come to him.”

Paul is calling together the spiritual leadership of the church—the elders. Paul uses three words for leaders in the church: Elders, Overseers, and Pastors (or Shepherds). These words are interchangeable in Paul’s writings. We use them a little differently at NewChurch—I’m the “Pastor” and we have a group of men who help me pastor called “Elders.” We also have a Leadership Team that are like “Overseers.” But this isn’t just an ancient church staff meeting that Paul’s calling. This is the Spirit gathering a group of people who had leadership in the Ephesian church. But what he says applies to anyone who has influence in the faith of another person. 

What he’s about to say applies to all of us.
If anyone looks to you—like your kids, your spouse, your friends, your small group, the new person who sits beside you on Sunday—congratulations: you’re functioning in a leadership role. You’re influencing someone’s faith. You’re helping protect, guide, and point people toward Jesus. Even if the only person you’re leading is yourself—we can’t lead others until we learn to lead ourselves.

Paul’s words aren’t just for pastors—they’re for all Christians who help shape the spiritual lives of others. Which is everyone in this room. 

See yourself the way Scripture sees you:
You are part of the spiritual leadership of this church.
You’re not a spectator. You’re not an audience. You’re a shepherd in the flock of God. You matter. Your presence matters. Your voice matters. Your faithfulness matters.
Paul is about to give a training session for leaders—and that means he’s talking to all of us.

“And when they came to him, he said to them: ‘You yourselves know how I lived among you the whole time from the first day that I set foot in Asia, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials that happened to me through the plots of the Jews;” Acts 20:18

Paul starts with his example—his presence. His life was his sermon. They saw him up close. People are always watching… they see you too. They’re watching how you handle stress, how you show kindness, how you respond to conflict, how you pray, how you repent, how you forgive.

You might not think you’re teaching anyone anything—but your life is always preaching. They know you’re a Christian and you’re showing them what a Christian is.

That’s heavy, but you don’t have to be perfect. Just faithful.
Just present. Just real.
Your willingness to walk with Jesus—honestly, openly—helps others do the same. If your kids see you reading Scripture, praying, apologizing, forgiving—they’re learning. If someone around you sees you serve, sees you show up, sees you go to church and worship—they’re being discipled by you.

You’re always influencing people. The question is: Are you influencing them toward Christ or away? 

“serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials that happened to me through the plots of the Jews;” Acts 20:19

Paul doesn’t sugarcoat what leadership is like. Ministry involves humility—because it’s never about you. Tears—because loving people always hurts. Trials—because spiritual opposition is real. The enemy doesn’t sit by quietly while Christians help other Christians follow Jesus.

If you’ve ever tried to help someone grow spiritually, you know.
If you’ve ever walked with someone through pain, you know.. 

Your compassion, your willingness to keep showing up—even when it’s not easy—that’s shepherding. That’s discipleship. That’s leadership in the Kingdom of God.

When your heart breaks for your kids, or your friend walking away from the faith, or the person struggling in sin—that pain is real. The devil never goes away without a fight.

“how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you in public and from house to house, testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.” Acts 20:20-21

Paul says he didn’t shrink back. He didn’t avoid hard truths. He didn’t shy away from straight to awkward conversations. He taught publicly—and privately. In big gatherings—and across kitchen tables.

If you’re waiting for perfect moments, or perfect confidence, or perfect words… you need to stop waiting. Ministry happens in the messiness of real life. Imperfectly. All you need is a willingness to speak truth in love whenever God puts someone in front of you.

This is your calling. It’s the reason God saved you. If someone in your life is drifting—don’t shrink back. If someone needs encouragement—don’t shrink back. If your child needs correction—don’t shrink back. If a friend is wandering into something destructive—don’t shrink back. We need to go toward the need, not away from it. This will usually involve more listening than speaking.

The church grows strong when its people take responsibility for each other’s faith. How comfortable are you with that idea? That you need to take responsibility for each other’s faith?

“testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.” Acts 20:21

Paul sums up the Gospel he preached: repentance and faith. Turning away from the sin that destroys us, but more importantly turning toward the Savior who restores us. This is the message that changes lives—this is the heart of the Christian message. Repentance, changing the direction of our lives and changing our minds to think like Jesus. To want what He wants. That’s what we need to be talking about. That’s what changes lives—not motivational speeches, or inspirational memes, or bullying people.

And it’s your job to tell the people in your life. Not as an expert—a know-it-all. Just as someone who knows what grace feels like. Hear their heart and point them to Jesus.

When you help someone repent, you’re leading them to Jesus.
When you help someone trust Jesus again, you’re leading them to grace.
When you remind someone of the Gospel—not their shame or sin—you’re giving them what they need to change their life. 

Show someone the grace you’ve received—that’s doing the work of the Gospel.

Paul’s message isn’t just for professional Christians; it’s for everyone who can help lead another person’s soul in the right direction. That’s you.
God didn’t just save you—He recruited you.

“And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me.” Acts 20:22-23

Paul is being pulled toward Jerusalem by the Spirit—pretty much dragged. He doesn’t know what’s ahead, but he knows who’s leading him. That’s ministry: obeying without having all the details. Following the Spirit even into uncertainty. Leaders follow God even when it’s foggy and the next step feels risky. 

As leaders in this church, you won’t always know where God is taking you. You’ll feel the Spirit nudging you into conversations you don’t feel ready for… or calling you to love someone who makes your life complicated… or pushing you to step up in ways that feel bigger than you. Trust God to lead you. 

“except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me.” Acts 20:23

Paul doesn’t know much but he knows what’s waiting for him: suffering. Every city comes with the same prophetic warning: “This is going to hurt.” But he keeps going—not because he loves pain, but because he loves Jesus. That’s the gig. Hardship isn’t a sign you’re in the wrong place doing the wrong thing; it’s usually how you know you’re in the right place doing the right thing. 

Helping people follow Jesus is always going to cost you something—your time, your comfort, your emotional energy. Sometimes your heart’s going to get broken. Sometimes people will misunderstand your motives. But God uses all those things to shape you, strengthen you, and make you who He wants you to be. Don’t run away just because it hurts. 

“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24

This verse is Paul’s heartbeat. The mission mattered more than comfort. He’s not reckless—he’s focused. His goal is simple: finish the race Jesus put him in, carry the Gospel of grace all the way to the end. Ministry’s not just a job; it’s a calling Christ has given us. 

We have a marathon to finish—a ministry Jesus has put into our hands. It involves our kids, our spouse, our friends, our church family, our neighbors. We can’t let lesser things steal our attention or drain us. The goal is to finish faithfully. Run your race. Stay in the narrow lane. Keep your eyes on grace.

“And now, behold, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about proclaiming the kingdom will see my face again.” Acts 20:25

That’s something they did not want to hear. Paul knows this is goodbye. Not because he’s going to die immediately—but because God is calling him somewhere else—he is not going to see them again in this life. Sometimes the hardest part of ministry is letting go, trusting God with the people you love. Saying goodbye is brutal.

People come and go. Seasons change. Some relationships end painfully. Others drift. Some won’t last as long as you hoped. But every moment God gives you with someone was intentional. Your job is to lead them and love them while you can… and trust them to God when you can’t. 

“Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all, for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God.”  Acts 20:26-27

Paul’s saying, “I did what I was supposed to do.” He delivered the message faithfully. He didn’t hold back the truth or avoid responsibility. He can leave with a clear conscience. He preached all of Scripture—even the parts people don’t needlepoint on pillows. He gave them the whole thing: law and gospel, comfort and correction, grace and truth. So if they didn’t get it, it wasn't on him—he told them.

This is the goal of every Christian: to love people well, speak the truth when they need it, offer grace when they fall, and be able to say, “I didn’t hold back. I was faithful.” Not perfect—faithful. As leaders here, you don’t disciple people by giving them spiritual snack cakes. Give them the whole counsel of God. Share the uncomfortable truths. Share the beautiful promises. Don’t shrink back from the parts of Scripture our culture rejects. The people in your life need it all.

“Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.” Acts 20:28

Pay attention—careful attention—to your own soul, and to the people God has placed around you. Because the Church doesn’t belong to you or to me—it belongs to Jesus, who bought it with His own blood. That’s how valuable the people sitting around you are. 

Pay attention to yourself means “guard your spiritual life.” Guard your marriage. Guard your kids. Guard your heart. And also guard the people in your church. Look out for them. Pray for them. Notice when someone is struggling or drifting away. 

“I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them.” Acts 20:29-30

Paul isn’t being dramatic. He’s warning them: spiritual attack, false teaching, division—it’s always threatening. Wolves outside the church… and the ones who sneak in wearing sheep costumes. 

Discernment is part of discipleship. You need to help protect our church. When you hear teaching that distorts the Gospel, reject it, speak up—gently, in love—but say something. When division tries to wiggle in through gossip or resentment—stop it. When someone is being spiritually devoured by lies, or lying through their teeth—step in.

You’re not passive members of this congregation; you’re guardians. Overseers. Shepherds.

“and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them.” Acts 20:30

The scariest wolves don’t attack the church from outside—they hide inside it. Paul warns them: it won’t just be cultural pressure or persecution. It’s also going to be people among you who twist Scripture and mislead the gullible. 

And if we don’t want to be gullible—what the Bible calls a fool—We have to know the Gospel well enough to recognize when someone distorts it. We have to stay rooted in Scripture. Stay humble. Stay teachable. Don’t let personality, charisma, or clever words replace the truth. That way, we can help others stay anchored too.

“Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears.” Acts 20:31

Paul reminds them: “I treated you like a father who loves his kids.” A father who doesn’t discipline his child has given up on them. We can’t give up on each other. 

As leaders in this church, we have to stay alert. Don’t assume someone else will step in and take care of things. And don’t be afraid to correct someone gently when they need it. That’s love. Admonishing with tears means caring enough to say the hard thing when it matters but also having a tender heart toward the person you're correcting—and be humble enough to be corrected.

Someone starts gossiping? Gently redirect them. Change the subject. If they insist, be a little less gentle. Like, “I don’t want to talk about our friend like this.” Even a gentle rebuke will sting like a murder hornet, so be kind.

“And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.”  Acts 20:32

Paul’s saying goodbye. He’s handing them to God—because ultimately only God can keep them safe. And the thing that will build them up isn’t Paul’s wisdom or leadership style—it’s the Word of God’s grace. 

He’s handing them over to the only thing that can actually hold them—God and the Word of His grace. The Gospel—the part that Jesus does for us. Who Jesus is and what He’s done. The promises that give forgiveness, strength, courage, and hope. 

This is how we lead our people: we point them to God and His Word. To His promises, not our opinions. Not our preferences. Not our emotions. It’s God’s promises that will build them up. It’s God’s grace that will sustain them. And our job is to keep pointing our people to the One who won’t let them go or let them down.

“I coveted no one’s silver or gold or apparel. You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my necessities and to those who were with me.” Acts 20:33-34

Paul’s saying, “I didn’t use ministry for personal gain.” No manipulation, no hidden agenda. He didn’t use people. Paul worked with his own hands so he wouldn't be a burden. This is servant leadership. He also made it clear there’s nothing wrong with a pastor getting paid—they should get paid (I’m particularly thankful for that clarification) but Paul wasn’t the local pastor of this church and he didn’t want anyone accusing him of going church to church looking for handouts.

I worked in the church as a volunteer for 25 years before getting paid. When we started NewChurch, I didn’t get a salary for the first six months. It feels weird to tell you those things—but it’s basically the same kind of thing Paul is saying here.

We have to lead with integrity. Serve people because you love them, because you love God—never because you want something from them. Shepherds don’t use the flock; they take care of it. 

“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35

This is the only place this quote from Jesus appears in the Bible—something Jesus must have told Paul in person. “It is better to give than receive.”

We’re to live open-handed, open-hearted, generous. Not grudgingly. Not lazy. Not stingy. Not expecting other people to give or do all the work so we don’t have to. We’re not supposed to treat the church like a dysfunctional family on Thanksgiving where everyone hides after dinner to get out of helping with dishes.

“And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all.”  Acts 20:36

The moment ends in prayer.  

Leaders lead with prayer. Begin with prayer, end with prayer. They cover their family, friends, church, ministry, conversations, and decisions in prayer. We pray because we need His wisdom to love them. We pray because we need God to change our heart to be more like His.

And then we get to the saddest of all these verses… 

“And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.” Acts 20:37-38

This is one of the tenderest scenes in the New Testament. Grown men ugly-crying on the beach because their friend Paul is leaving. These are deep friendships. Real love. Real family. 

This is the heart of the church: a place where relationships matter, where love is real, where goodbyes hurt because hearts are invested. The kind of love that becomes a witness to the Gospel itself. I’m sure they stood on the shore and watched the boat get smaller.

Any of that hit home? Lord, speak to us. Let’s not waste an opportunity for Your word to wake us up. I know it hits me… 

We haven’t really been paying attention—not the way we should.
Not to our own souls. Not to the people God placed around us. We’ve let spiritual drift become normal. We’ve assumed someone else will step in. Someone else will disciple. Someone else will notice when something’s wrong. Someone else will correct. Someone else will encourage. Someone else will give faithfully. Someone else will pay for all this. Someone else will pray. Someone else will care about what needs to happen. Someone else will read their freakin’ Bible and understand what it really says.

But Paul says: “Pay careful attention to yourselves.”
Which means all of us need to:
Stop living on autopilot.
Stop assuming someone else is responsible.
Stop shrinking back from hard conversations.
Stop ignoring the wolves—outside and inside.
Stop treating the church like an optional Sunday morning hobby.
Stop pretending your life isn’t preaching a very loud and clear message about who Jesus is and how important His church is (or isn’t).

This is the truth we’d all rather not think about:
We’re influencing people… whether we mean to or not.
And some of us are leading the people we love into spiritual danger simply by doing nothing.

So, yeah, that hits. That’s the law.
It accuses all of us.

If anyone says they have not sinned, they are a liar and the truth is not in them.

But here’s the word of grace that changes everything:

Your hope isn’t in your leadership, or your ability to do all these things.
Your hope is in your Shepherd. The Good Shepherd.

Jesus is the Great Shepherd Who laid down His life for you, His sheep.
He’s the One who paid for this church with His own blood.
He’s the One who guards it.
He’s the One who rescues the straying.
…who fights the wolves.
…who restores what we break.
He’s the One who finished the race for us.

And He doesn’t call you to be anyone’s Savior.
He calls you to follow Him.
To walk in His grace. Which is going to look like being gracious to others.
To speak His truth. Which is going to sound like being truthful.
To share His heart. Which is going to feel like compassion.
To lead people not to yourself and your own glory—but to Him for the glory of God.

You don’t lead by your own strength.
You lead out of His mercy.
You disciple out of His patience.
You forgive out of His forgiveness.
You serve others because He first served you.

So here’s the invitation—our call to action:

Let’s be a church full of leaders—shepherds.
People who pay attention.
People who refuse to shrink back.
…who speak the truth in love.
…who protect each other, pray for each other, carry each other, and point each other back to Jesus again and again.

Because your leadership matters.
Your influence matters.
And God has placed you here to help lead His people to Jesus.
Leave it all on the table.
It’s more blessed to give than to receive. Amen.