When Faith Hurts — Finding Hope Beyond Religious Trauma
When I showed up at Central Bible College in 1982, I was ready to turn the world upside down with the Gospel. I went to Springfield, Missouri and met a whole bunch of young people just like me, fired up, ready to change the world for Jesus. Not ready to be disillusioned by toxic church people who think God gives them daily instructions for how to ruin everything.
And the professors did the best they could to get us ready. Mostly by trying to crush anything interesting about our personalities, and make us doubt that we were trying hard enough to be super holy Christian people. “How many hours did you pray this morning before coming to class? Do you have the book of Romans memorized yet? In Greek?” I wasn’t even taking Greek, they were like, “That’s no excuse!” Ha.
I started to see a lot of hypocrisy but I didn’t lose my faith.
Can’t say the same for a lot of my friends back then. I watched them graduate, then get chewed up and mangled by the first churches they went to serve in. Some burned out. Some walked away. Some deconstructed their faith until it didn’t look like Christian faith at all.
The same thing could have probably happened to me, too. But God sent me in a different direction. He had me doing music for the next twenty years—not Christian music—just a hard rock band touring and writing songs. I never left the church, never stopped following Jesus, I just volunteered on Sundays—didn’t start working at a church full time until I was forty, when I was the worship leader at CrossPoint, and I didn’t become a pastor until I started NewChurch at fifty. Now here I am at sixty, still following Jesus—but only because He’s merciful and faithful.
But my goodness! I’ve watched so many of my friends walk away from the faith. People who used to encourage me in my faith. A bunch of pastors. A ton of my favorite musicians—some of them I knew personally—just stop going to church, stop following Jesus, and start talking about their life when they were a Christian like it was some kind of horrible experience they had to escape from. I was really into Christian Rock in the 70s and 80s—the Christian music world is full of examples of what they call EXvangelicals. Social media is full of people sharing their anti-Christian faith message like it’s some kind of glorious way to be free of the tyrannical weight of the Gospel. They went from Evangelists to EXvangelists.
I know a lot of Christians whose kids have rejected their faith. That’s brutal. A very public and painful example is Pastor John Piper’s son Abraham, who has millions of TikTok followers listening to him mock Christianity and everything his dad stands for. Can you imagine Thanksgiving at their house? Maybe you don’t have to imagine.
You probably know people who have done the same kind of thing. What are we supposed to do with all this? When people are hurt by the church. When people deconstruct their faith. We don’t want to fight with them. We don’t want to cause them more pain. Their trauma is real. I feel for them. Plenty of Christians have hurt me, I know people are dealing with terrible things. I hope this message will be helpful for all of us. Those who have been hurt by the church, and those of us who need to find ways to have healing conversations with people we know who are hurting.
So, we’re going to look at some Scriptures. Here’s the thing, when we read the Bible, we need to let the passage in front of us jack with us—let it speak. Don’t read the Bible through your theology—examine your theology in the light of the Scripture. We need to believe what it says, do what it says, and be humble enough to listen. God’s word must be above all we do or think.
Let’s listen to a few verses that warn about falling away from faith.
1 Timothy 4:1
“Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons.”
People will depart from the faith and devote themselves to lies—probably lies that sound pretty good. No one is going to devote themselves to something that sounds like a bad idea. Demons know how to package their poison in very pretty boxes. These ideas will be attractive. We will want to believe them—that’s why God is warning us—so we won’t fall for it and fall away.
I don’t think we talk about this enough. I’m not trying to scare you but…
Hebrews 6:4–6 says:
“For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened (meaning they believed the Gospel), who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, (in other words, they were Christians) and then have fallen away, (it’s impossible) to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.”
That sounds pretty bad. So, is there no hope for them? I wouldn’t say that. Notice it says we can’t restore them—because that’s not our job. What we can do is pray for them, keep loving them, and never stop sowing seeds. Ask for God to restore them—nothing is impossible with Him. That takes the pressure off you and me. There’s always hope that they could repent and turn back to the Lord. But it’s impossible for you or me to restore them—we’re not going to argue them back with all our clever apologetics or Bible verses, we’re not going to guilt trip them back, either—or scare them back. All we can do is pray for them and love them—which includes finding ways to talk with them about Jesus. Keep planting seeds, no matter how rocky the soil seems to be.
And don’t be too hard on yourself. Even Jesus had disciples walk away…
John 6:66 (This is clearly going to be an ominous passage)
“After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.”
They actually met Jesus in person. They walked with Him—and then when they didn’t like something He said, they quit. Actual disciples.
These verses are hard to hear—we don’t like it. But the Bible says plainly: it’s possible to walk away, and some will. We need to let those Scriptures land with their full weight.
But we also need to hear these words from Jesus, same book:
John 10:28–29
“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.”
Jesus promises eternal life, and no one will be able to snatch you out of His hand, or out of the Father’s hand—there’s no difference. Jesus is God. That’s pretty comforting.
And then there’s this amazing poem about how nothing can separate us from God’s love:
Romans 8:38–39
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Nothing in all creation can knock you out of God’s hand—not if Jesus put you there.
So which is it? Can people walk away from their faith, or can no one take us out of God’s hand?
The answer is yes. Both are true. God holds us with open hands. Nothing on earth can knock us out of His hands or take us from Him—but you’re also not being held prisoner.
“Once Saved, Always Saved?”
People sometimes talk about “once saved, always saved.” It’s supposed to be a comfort to all of us who believe in Jesus—that we’re secure in the promise of salvation, that we don’t have to worry about whether we’re saved or not. But some people take it as a license to sin—“If I can’t lose my salvation, then I’m going to sin up a storm.” And if someone does fall away, some people say, “If they fall away, they were never saved in the first place.” Neither of these ideas are helpful.
Salvation in the Bible is presented as “now / not yet.” We were saved by grace, we are being saved as we walk with Christ, and we will be saved at last when Jesus says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Salvation is past, present, and future tense.
When they talk about once saved, always saved—they’re really talking about that final judgment. The Lamb’s Book of Life. Eternal salvation.
But even now we can have complete confidence in our salvation. No person, demon, or circumstance can snatch you from God’s hand. You are secure in the promise of your baptism.
But walk in a manner worthy of the Gospel. There’s always grace for those who look to the Lord for their salvation—but you can harden your heart. You can stop listening to His voice, you can neglect prayer—jump out of His hands and run away. He’ll chase you down and pick you back up time after time but be warned… If you keep demanding for God to let you go, He’ll eventually give you what you want.
So how can you know if you’re saved or not? If you even ask that question—you’re going to be fine. The very fact you care shows the Spirit is still tugging at your heart. The real danger is when someone stops caring. As long as you turn to Jesus to be saved, you will be saved.
So why do people walk away from their faith?
Sometimes it’s because tragedy hits and they don’t understand why God allowed it to happen. They get mad at God. And sometimes well-meaning Christians make it worse by saying things that aren’t helpful—”Well, everything happens for a reason.” Terrible things happen in life and no one needs Bible verses spit at them like the friends of Job. Usually the best thing we can do is just sit with them and say, “I’m here for you.”
Sometimes people walk away from church because of all the judgment and hypocrisy they see. The only message they’ve ever heard is “try harder, be better, you’re failing.” Church has just felt like a crushing weight of guilt and preaching about sin and hell. So they walk away, and a lot of times—for a while—it feels like a burden has been lifted.
But walking away doesn’t make the hard things in life go away. The world is still broken. There’s still pain. People still suffer. Everyone still dies. And without God, suffering has no purpose, there’s no justice, no meaning—only chaos. Evil still exists, even if we pretend like there’s no holy God who promises to set things right.
And deep down, we all know there’s a God. Someone created all this—something doesn’t come from nothing. The world is dangerous and full of pain, but leaving our faith behind doesn’t fix any of that; it only makes it darker and emptier.
One of the biggest problems in the modern church is the fundamental misunderstanding of the Gospel—The Gospel is not “try harder.” The Gospel is “It is finished.”
Matthew 11:28–30 Jesus said…
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Any version of Christianity that doesn’t have this at the center has lost the plot. The true message of Christianity doesn’t bring trauma—it brings healing. It’s not oppression—it’s freedom. It’s not shame—it’s forgiveness. Christianity’s not about endless striving. It’s about resting in Christ’s finished work. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Why does so much Christian teaching sound like the opposite of this? “Hey you, sinner! Straighten up, get your act together, get in line, and stop acting like an ungrateful brat!” Then they put a straitjacket on you and tell you to climb a rope ladder to heaven. Then judge you when you fall.
No. The Lord says His burden is light—He offers you rest. He did all the heavy lifting for you. His yoke is easy—it’s still a yoke, you still have work to do, but it’s all things you were lovingly created to do.
The cross says your worth is beyond measure. The empty tomb says your suffering is not the end of your story. And the promise of Jesus says nothing can separate you from God’s love.
The church is made up of sinners, that’s the only kind of people that are here, people just like you. Be gentle with each other. When someone hurts you—and someone will—try to forgive, show some mercy. You don’t have to be their BFF, but you also don’t need to walk away from the whole church or from God just because some of His people are jerks.
[Abuse vs. Christ] – I’m not denying there’s been abuse in the church, I’m not condoning it, there’s no excuse for it. People have been deeply hurt in religious settings. It can leave scars. But it’s important to separate abuse done in the name of Christ from Christ Himself.
The Bible warns about abusive leaders—“wolves in sheep’s clothing” (Matthew 7:15) and shepherds who exploit their flock (Ezekiel 34). When people hurt people under the banner of religion, they are betraying Jesus, not representing Him.
Jesus was betrayed and abandoned too—He knows all about it.[Identity in Christ] – Some people say Christianity robs them of self-worth and identity by calling them sinners. And yes, it’s crushing to hear “You’re a sinner!” Especially for people who have their identity wrapped up in their sin.
But the message of the Gospel is actually the opposite.
Jesus doesn’t erase your identity; He restores it. He says you are loved, chosen, and adopted into His family (Galatians 4). Instead of stripping you of your worth, the cross says Christ died for you while you were still a sinner—you have worth beyond measure, in spite of your sin (Romans 5:8). Jesus is calling you to NOT identify yourself as a sinner but instead to find your identity in Him.
And we really need to get straight on the doctrine of hell—it’s not about scaring people.[Hard Realities of Sin and Hell] – Probably nothing has chased away timid Christians who think they’re nicer than God more than the Bible’s teaching about sin, judgment, and hell. I know so many people who absolutely got choked on this teaching and walked away from the church. No doubt, they are hard realities. But ignoring them doesn’t make them go away. Sometimes people are like, “Stop talking about hell, fire, and brimstone—just focus on Jesus.” The problem is He’s the main hellfire preacher in the Bible! It’s not even close. It’s Jesus who said, [Matthew 10:28] “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” [Mark 9:43] “And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire.” What are we supposed to do? Cut the things Jesus said out of the Bible to make it seem nicer? Also, pretending the Bible doesn’t talk about hell doesn’t make the world a better place. It’s not like, if we just stopped talking about it, all of sudden dark and terrible things would cease to exist. Have you ever watched the news? The world is still full of suffering, injustice, and death—Hell is all around us—even if we pretend it’s not real.
And some people are like, “Yeah but telling children about hell is traumatizing! Child abuse!” Really? If it’s true? We can’t protect our children from dark things by pretending they don’t exist.
The purpose of the doctrine of hell isn’t to scare people into believing in God. We already know, at our deepest level, that death and hell are terrifying. The message of the Gospel is that God loved us so much that He sent His Son to save us from dying and going there. We’re not nicer than God when we pretend He didn’t save us from anything.[Don’t Define Yourself by Trauma] – It's popular right now to deconstruct our faith. Deconstructing is not the same thing as reforming. Listen to the words: deconstruct (tear down, destroy) compared to reform (build up, reshape, improve). We should always be reforming but we should never encourage anyone to destroy, to deconstruct, their faith. It’s also a big thing right now to identify as a person who has suffered religious trauma. I’m not taking anything away from any painful experiences or spiritual abuse that anyone’s been through—but living out of the identity of a victim can keep you stuck in the past. Jesus calls us to something a lot more radical and beautiful—to be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). To not be defined by our pain. Not identified by our wounds. But to be remade. Reformed. Reborn.
If you’ve been hurt by the church, in the name of faith, I want you to know that Jesus sees you, He understands and is calling you back to Himself for comfort and healing—He will give you rest. If all you’ve ever been told is to “try harder,” I’m so sorry for that misrepresentation of the Gospel. But please don’t confuse the failure of Christians for a failure of Christ.
If you are doubting, questioning, or deconstructing, take another look at Jesus—not the caricature the world has painted of Him, not the distortions the devil wants you to believe, but the real Christ who says,“Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.” [John 11:25]
That promise is for you and anyone you’re praying for.
If you’ve been hurt in the name of faith: don’t confuse the failure of Christians for a failure of Christ—He did not fail you, and He never will. Christ is not the church, He has not, and will not, fail you.
If you’re secure in Christ and strong in your faith: don’t take that for granted. Pray for those who struggle. Love them with patience. Be active in your church and help it to be the kind of place where those who have been hurt in the past can find acceptance, love, and healing. Help it be a safe place for the hurting.
If your child has walked away, don’t lose hope. Pray. Love. Keep pointing them to Jesus. God’s story with them isn’t over.
I’ve had a lot of friends walk away from their faith, walk away from the church, and God’s love over the years. I’ve seen some of them come back—a few—I continue to pray for the others.
I remember having a conversation with a friend who left the church several years ago—he was telling me about all his family troubles and all the stuff he was going through. I said, “You know what I’m going to say, right?” And he was like, “You’re going to tell me to believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior—something like that?” “Yeah, pretty much.” And he just looked kind of sad and said, “I wish I could. I’m glad it’s still working for you, though.”
Another friend I went to church with for about ten years—he wrote a song after he renounced his faith with the line, “If you really do believe—then don't forget to pray for me.” It’s a song about how all his old Christian friends always want to try and argue him back to Jesus.
Sometimes I see people post things on social media about their ex-faith. Bitter things. Angry things. I want to respond. Reason with them. Prove them wrong. But I know it won’t work—no one is ever argued into faith. The best thing I can do is just be there for them. Let them know I still love them. Talk about my hope and what God has done for me—and pray for them.
Our mission is to remind people about the love of God that’s found in Jesus. To be the light in a dark world. Because the world is still broken. Pain is still real. Trauma is going to happen—even at church. But we know Jesus is still the one who heals, restores, and brings meaning to all this suffering.
Over the last twenty years or so, a lot of people have left the church. But right now, people are flooding back. We have a lot of work to do if we’re going to welcome them and help them understand that Jesus isn’t the one who hurt them. That the church is not their enemy—that it’s the place where God can bind their broken hearts and heal their wounds. Our job is to worship God by loving the people He sends to us. Will you help me do that? AMEN