Making Sense of 1st Corinthians CH7

Dear Apostle Paul, my husband and I have just recently become Christians. He thinks it’s still okay for us to have sex but I think we should pray and read our Bible together instead. What does God think about this? Signed, Prudence.

Dearest Paul, I don’t even know what to think anymore. The world has gone crazy. My fiancé acts like everything’s fine—like we should go ahead with the wedding and have kids. It seems too dangerous to even think about starting a family right now. I think we should put all our energy into the Gospel and getting people ready for the Day of the Lord that is coming soon. What do you think? Signed, Apocalypticus.

Dear Apostle Paul, I attend the church in Corinth. I’m single but most of the congregation is married. It can be pretty frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I’m perfectly fine being alone but other times I feel lonely. What do you think I should do? Hope to see you soon, signed, The Lone Christian.

Dear Brother Paul, when you were here last time I heard you speak about Jesus. Wow! Changed my life. I just wish my wife and kids felt the same way. They think I’m nuts. Sometimes I wonder if God wants me to let go of my unbelieving family so I can fully follow Him. But that doesn’t seem right. I’d love to know what you think, signed Flighty.

As we continue in our Making Sense of 1st Corinthians message series, we come to the part of the letter where Paul starts answering specific questions they had asked him in a letter that we don’t have. We can only guess what the actual questions were, based on his answers. That’s why I did those little Dear Abby letters. 

The first section has to do with what sex is supposed to be like in a Christian marriage.

You know one thing about just reading through the Bible and talking about what it says is there are no punches being pulled. The Bible just goes straight to awkward. One of the problems with the modern church is we tend to try and run Jesus through a Rated G filter. God doesn’t fit into our neatly crafted boxes of either Victorian prudishness or pornographic freak shows. He’s holy. He’s something else entirely. He’s the Creator of everything that exists and He invites us to be part of what He’s doing in the world. We can’t assume that we automatically understand what that is based on anything in us or around us. We have to be made holy. Other. It can only come from outside of us. It can only come from outside of creation. Holiness can only come from God.

So, as we take the time to hear His Word—realize it should always completely destroy our sensibilities. It should always shock and amaze us. It’s like when I tune my guitar before playing a song—the strings are always a little off. It’s like when we use a level to hang something or build something, we can only get so close with the naked eye. It’s like the difference between drawing a line with a ruler or a circle with a compass instead of drawing it by hand.

God’s Word is the standard. Not our heart. Not what we think. Hold reality loosely in your hands and let God shape it for you.

1st Corinthians chapter seven: Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 

These Corinthians seem to always be thinking about sex. They’re either way too into it for all the wrong reasons, or they think they’re too holy and pure to enjoy such carnal pleasures. Paul’s going to go straight to awkward. Maybe in a perfect world, Christians would be able to keep their pants on, but this is far from a perfect world. It’s going to be better if husbands and wives are careful to satisfy each other in bed so they’re less likely to be tempted to go outside the marriage vows.

Verse 3: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 

Do you know how much marriage counseling would be unnecessary if couples would take this verse to heart? Almost every problem in marriage runs through the bedroom.

Verse 4: The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 

In other words, if one of you is in the mood, then both of you are in the mood. Never reject your spouse when they make advances. Never. 

This is not a popular Bible verse. You’d think it would be, but it’s not.

You’re going to be tempted to use sex as a weapon in your marriage. As a way of controlling your husband or wife. Passive-aggressive mind games of manipulation. A way to punish and reward. That’s dark stuff. It will lead to nowhere good.

Side note: when we read God’s Word, when we listen to sermons, we listen for ourselves. We are NOT listening for other people. Apply everything to yourself. You are the one who needs to hear this. Not your wife. Not your husband. Not your friend or brother or sister. You.

If you want to change the world, draw a circle on the floor around your chair and do whatever you can to change the person inside that circle.

If you’re married, and one of you is in the mood, then you’re both in the mood. Do not reject each other. Sexual rejection is a deep wound that leaves permanent scars.

Also, and I shouldn’t have to say this, but I’ll say it anyway: Don’t try to start something when you know your spouse is tired, or sick, or busy. That’s rude and selfish. We’ll get to this in chapter 13 but love is not selfish. Love doesn’t seek its own pleasure. Love is looking to give life and affection to the other. Love is giving, not taking. Love never demands.

In other words, learn how to read the room before you start something they shouldn’t refuse. 

And to the uber spiritual who think they should just focus on reading their Bible and praying instead of wasting time on all this romantic nonsense: Verse 5: 

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

Christian couples can fast from sex for a time but only for the purpose of prayer, only for a short time, and only if both agree. Then Paul says, about that last part:

I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 

Paul wasn’t currently married. We don’t know if his wife had died or if she left him when he became a crazy Jesus follower. I’m inclined to think she left him but we don’t know. He’s saying that he wished everyone was single because then they could work as hard as he does at spreading the Gospel. Peter was married with an extended family to take care of, which probably has something to do with why we don’t have records of the amazing missionary journeys of St Peter.

Back to Dear Abby.

Verse 8: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 

Better to stay single if God has wired you for celibacy. He definitely implies that’s a rare gift, though. It’s better to marry than to burn.

Verse 10: To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 

God hates divorce. Especially among His people. Very few of us are untouched by the damage that divorce does. It doesn’t mean that divorced people are doomed, Jesus finds all of us where we are, not where we should be. There is no condemnation for divorced people, or remarried people, if they are in Christ Jesus. You are forgiven. Walk in grace and mercy. 

Sometimes divorce is a necessary evil. But it’s still an evil. 

I said all that because I know so many of us are living in the wake of divorce and remarriage. Either ourselves personally or as children of divorced parents. Life goes on. His grace is sufficient.

But I also don’t want to blunt the edge of what Paul said. He was perfectly clear. A Christian, man or woman, should not seek divorce. Thus sayeth the Lord.

It’s worth pointing out that Paul addresses women as well as men. In Jewish law, only men could file for divorce. Women had no say in the matter. Sometimes people say Christianity is a male-dominated patriarchal chauvinistic religion of toxic masculinity. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Christianity gave unprecedented power and status to women. That was a perfect example.

Verse 12: To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 

That was a big chunk. He’s basically saying if you’re married to an unbeliever, stay married to them if they’ll have you. Maybe you’ll help them come to faith in Jesus. We don’t know for sure whether it will happen but there’s a better chance if you stay than if you leave.

Verse 17: Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. 

Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. 

That was all an illustration to back up his point about staying married, if you were already married when you came to faith. He’s referring to other teachings he’s done on subjects of circumcision and slavery. Bloom where you’re planted. God has you there for His good reasons.

Verse 25: Now about virgins: (and by that, he means people who have never been married. I have to explain that in our culture because very few of our unmarried youth make it to adulthood as virgins.) Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 

If you’re not married, you probably shouldn’t get married “Because of the present crisis.” Hmm. What was the present crisis he was talking about?

He could have meant all the stuff that was going on in their little church. They were pretty messed up. I don’t think that’s it though. He could have meant the persecution that really starting to ramp up. There was also a catastrophic famine happening in Rome in the 40s and 50s. If the people in Corinth were starving, especially the poor, it would be understandable that he would advise them to not take on additional responsibilities. 

I think it’s a combination of all those things plus the apocalypse. Jesus had prophesied that “this generation will not pass” before they see the devastation described in Luke 21 and Matthew 24. So Paul was looking for Jesus to return and that the time was short. It’s interesting that he specifically said he didn’t have a direct word from the Lord on this. He’s giving his best pastoral advice.  

Verse 28: But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 

See? Apocalyptic. He thinks the time is short and the world in its present form is passing away.

Was he wrong? I mean it’s been 2,000 years. 

I don’t think he was wrong. I think it’s just how prophesy tends to work.

Prophetic visions are like when you’re standing on a mountain top looking at the peaks of other mountains that are far away. You can see them, but you can’t really tell how far they are from each other. They look like there’s hardly any space between them at all but there can actually be hundreds of miles of separation. 

Ezekiel, Isaiah, Jeremiah—they all saw visions of Jesus. But they couldn’t tell the difference between His first coming and His second coming. God doesn’t always lay things out like a timeline or a spreadsheet for us.

It’s even true with Jesus. Sometimes He was talking about when He was going to come back at the end of time, the resurrection of the dead, the new heavens and new earth. Sometimes He was talking about the cross and the destruction of the Temple and Jerusalem. 

Shortly after Paul wrote this letter to Corinth, the Temple was destroyed when Jerusalem was sacked by the Romans in 70 AD. The world, in its present form, passed away. It was a horrific time for Jews and for Christians. I think Paul assumed the event that was going to happen soon was the second coming of Jesus, but we know that mountain peak was still pretty far away. But he still wasn’t wrong. Just like Ezekiel, Isaiah, Jeremiah and all the other prophets weren’t wrong.

Something apocalyptic went down and it was going to be better to stay single when it did.

Verse 32: I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 

All of those things are how it’s supposed to be. A husband has a God-given vocation to be concerned with how to please his wife. A wife has a God-given vocation to be concerned with how to please her husband. When they have a family, God wants them to make raising their kids in the faith their highest priority. All those things are good. But a single person can devote their entire life to the work of the Lord. Paul is saying, if you can stay single without sinning, then there’s plenty to do in taking the Gospel to those who need it.

Verse 36 is speaking to young people who are already engaged:

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. 

And someone must have had a question about remarrying because the chapter ends with him saying: A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Paul says a person can get married again if their spouse dies but Christians should only marry Christians. He still thinks she’d be better off not getting married, for all the reasons we’ve already said—impending doom, serving God without distractions—but that’s just his humble opinion as an apostle who happens to be filled with Spirit of God.

And that’s chapter seven.

There were probably some things in that chapter that got a little too close to home. As we go on our way today, I want to remind us to apply what we heard to ourselves. When we talk about all this with our wife or husband—don’t use these words to stir up trouble. Don’t use God’s Word to try and force someone to do what you want. 

The Christian life is a life of laying down our lives for the people we love. Sacrifice, not control. Remember: Jesus gave His life for you so you would be free to love the people in your life the same way. We all know that we need God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness. We need to offer the same grace to the people in our lives. Because of Jesus, God has already given it to you. Life is complicated. Walk in forgiveness. AMEN.